Dating in a new city
I had the dating life I wanted, in the place I wanted. "I always say the demographic statistics are ridiculous," explains Rachel Greenwald, dating coach and author of , when I told her about my recent experiment. This second time around, I was just as ready to settle down and have a serious relationship.
I was constantly on Tinder and Ok Cupid, said yes to every invite, and went out at least three times a week. Six months after my move, I came back to Brooklyn for the summer to sublet an apartment from a friend.Here in Seattle, on the other hand, I’ve had an incredibly difficult time forging meaningful friendships.I only have a few casual friends, and most of them are fellow transplants that I already knew from Southern California.To feel you have a full and worthwhile life, you need masculine companionship just as much as you need women to date.In fact, you need to find male friends before you set out to meet women, as masculine companionship will ground you with a level of purpose that the seemingly uncontrollable highs and lows of dating never will.Get a good book and wait for people to approach you, or go up to people yourself while you're out and about!
Most cities have adult leagues you can sign up for and meet like-minded people. Concerts in the park, art exhibits, and plays are just the beginning.
The problem wasn't a lack of options, or a lack of trying; it was the fact that no one I met felt quite right. And weirdly, once I was back in the place I loved, my dating life took off the way I thought it would when I had moved away: I chatted up men in the Apple Store and went on after-yoga juice dates with guys who frequented the same Bikram studio as me. I may not have met a specific man in any of those cases—in fact, all I ended up getting into was a political disagreement with the women at my book club—but at least I was trying.
I need to be clear: It wasn't the regional differences, it wasn't that I was addicted to the type-A personalities I'd met back home, and no, it wasn't my style of kissing. I missed my friends, my neighborhood, and my favorite coffee shop. I had hours-long conversations with men I met on Tinder dates and found myself looking forward to first dates again. And unbeknownst to me, I ended up bringing that let's-try-anything-once attitude back to New York City.
The sooner you create a positive social base within your new city, the sooner you will realize moving was the best decision you could have ever made.
A lot of men will move to a new city and then obsess over meeting women and women alone. Men need at least one group of guys they can hang out with regularly to indulge their masculine characteristics.
A few years ago Jennifer wrote about leaving her friends behind because of a big cross-country move. My job involves interviewing all sorts of people, but I’m happiest with my nose buried in a book, working on home and design projects, or scouring thrift shops for great scores. Back in San Diego, my best buddy lived a couple of minutes away. She’d come over to preview my latest date outfit or I'd drop by to admire her new coffee table. At my wedding, she even joked to our table that if one of us were a man, we’d have gotten married ages ago.