Dating a man with abandonment issues
In fact, I think the less talk of “we’ll give it another try,” the better.
Does it seem like you immediately attach to individuals in a way that others might describe as “clingy”?The guy was trying so hard to engage me in conversation but all I could think, as I was tonelessly telling him the factoids of my life (I grew up here and went to school there, for example) was “” and a wretchedness washed over me, not to be shaken off.Try as I might, I couldn’t go through with it and before the waiter brought the soup, I made my apologies and fled back home.We’d done the requisite anonymous chatting through the dating site, then exchanged emails, and finally a few phone conversations that lead to that frightful Friday night when we met at a neighbourhood restaurant for dinner.The guy was a photographer and had staked himself out behind a mailbox near the restaurant and snapped me striding down the street without my knowledge.It leaves one feeling pain and rejection and finds one in a state of extreme vulnerability. Abandonment does not merely mean the physical abandoning of a person by another, it is not a physical act per se, but can fundamentally be a mental act as well.
When one experiences feelings such as these, it is difficult to lead a normal life, take proper decisions, and maintain an equilibrium in all the things that one does. Abandonment can be experienced at all levels and in the greatest or the mildest depths.
Women with whom I work who, like myself, believed themselves to be in a secure stable marriage often ask me how they could ever trust again.
If their husband was capable of such betrayal, how could they permit themselves to enter into another relationship that might leave them so vulnerable?
The painful truth is that this particular attachment style has the unintentional effect of driving the person you want to be away. You need to be perfect Because you fear judgement and ultimately rejection, do you strive for perfection in all that you do?
Does this need to be perfect extend to your personal appearance with particular focus on your body image?
She now is seeking therapy again, and has begun to take responsibility for what she did.